Home schooled, misunderstood. No friends, and my parents consider me as the worst son.(they don't understand me either)
between me and my parents, we were never really close. We were not encouraged to express our feelings or get close to them so basically whenever there is a problem we can't really explain to them what happened or how we feel about it.
I love and care for them more than anything in this world but the thing is, they see me as a numb, heartless person. It's hard not being able to express your thoughts and feelings. I feel trapped and alone seeing I have no one else to lean on to when things go wrong anymore. everyone has moved on with their lives.
If I fail this year, I might as well kill myself.
My father is disowning me and my mum thinks I'm a joke.
the two most important people in my life who never came off my mind whenever I dream of something big that I want to achieve in my life doesn't know me at all. they are always in my plan. that's how important they are to me. the problem is, they have no idea whatsoever how much I care and love them. I am physiologically exhausted and I have been fighting to regain my composure for 3 painful years now. I don't know myself anymore and I clearly have change significantly over the pass coupe of years in a way that I don't agree what I have become.
so the question is, as blunt as it can be, should I kill myself.
Your answer affects my decision. answer wisely or don't answer at all. don't take it the wrong way. if you don't understand then that's the first sign that you are not capable of answering my question. thank you though.

I am & have been suicidal for 2 years now. Your story is very very similar to mine. My friends would tell me just to live for the happy things but I didnt want too because I knew negative things would come down the road because thats life. Id ask my parents for antidepresants but my parents told me thats whats wrong with our generation that we think we can fix everything with drugs which made things worse for a while because all I wanted was to be happy. But when I look at back at the times I was sooo close to killing myself I was so glad I didnt.Theres things Ive seen and expierianced that meant so much to me. Pleaaase dont
With Much Love & Thought ,
A Caring Stranger