A man dies and mets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter says to the man, "Here's how it works. You need to have one hundred points to get into heaven. You tell me about all the good things you've done. They are all worth a certain number of points. If your total is one hundred or more, you can come in."

"Well," says the man. "I was happily married to the same woman for 52 years. I never looked at another woman. I was attentive and loved her dearly."

"That's great," says St. Peter. "That'll be two points."

"Hmmm," says the man. "This is going to be harder than I thought. Well, I attended church regularly, volunteered my time and tithed faithfully."

"Wonderful," says St. Peter, "That's worth another point."

"One point!" says the man. "Okay, okay. I was involved with a prison ministry for twenty-five years. I went into the prison, at least monthly, and shared Jesus with them."

"Wow!" says St. Peter. "That's another two points!"

"Only two points!" says the man. "At this rate, it'll be only by the grace of God that'll I'll ever get into this place."

"Bingo!" says St. Peter. "That's one hundred points! Come on in."


duh dun, chi

Two nuns and their Mother Superior were standing in line waiting to get into heaven. St. Peter walks up to the first nun and says, "In order to get in, you'll have to answer a simple question about the Bible in order to prove that you truly have devoted your life to your religion. What were the names of the first man and woman?"

The first nun responds, "Well, that's easy. Adam and Eve."

"Correct!" says St. Peter. He goes up to the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"

The second nun responds, "The Garden of Eden."

"Correct!" St. Peter then goes up to their Mother Superior and says, "I'm going to give you a tougher question since you are a Mother Superior, after all."

"Fair enough," she says.

St. Peter then asks, "What was the first think Eve said to Adam?"

The Mother pauses for a bit and says, "Hmmmm, that's a hard one."

"Correct!"