well, It's long but please do read it and sorry for my bad english, I will try my best to explain it properly
i am a male(18) from a middle class family. It's been long since i have low self esteem and confidence. It was always because i got bullied a lot at my school for various reasons and specially for my looks. I look ugly, that's what i think. I used to stay with friends who would make fun of me a lot, i dont know, i dint have any friends and i thought they were my only friends, So i was with them. but it went too much so i had to leave them and since then i have been lonely. My parents?They are very careless, i dint get good parenting during my childhood. My mom is a psycho, she had an affair with someone and when my dad caught her, she made a huge drama and was suicidal, they used to fight a lot, But then the things got back to normal as the time passed by. My sis turned out to be a slut because of her low self esteem. My dad is a nice guy but he's not mentally stable currently due to a lot of tension. I had an online gf but the relationship dint work, we broke up a month ago. I am lonely and heartbroken and have a huge complex because of my looks. I am still not over my her because she was the only one i loved the most but she left me for other guy. I thought she was nice and caring. I can't discuss this with anyone, I want her back, I want her badly, I feel damn lonely, cant even study, i hvent studied for 4 years, athough cleared every year somehow but i dint learn anything. I want to go to a counsellor but my parents wont let me, and i have no money. I have been into depression for a long time, say 5-6 years. I am afraid of people, can't talk properly because i think they will hate me, I kinda forget things, most of the time I am absent minded, lost in my whole world. Whenever i talk, i get confused and forget words. I was not like this before. Its been hapenning with me since i was bullied. I have become very lazy and i get angry with parents everytime. Sometimes i kinda abuse them when it gets too much. I dislike them a lot. Even my relatives are bad. The pain inside me kills me everytime. I had suicidal thoughts but i managed to remove them out of my head because I din't want to hurt anyone. And top of that, I think i have adhd or autism beacause nowadays i am lost in myself, I want help, professional help :(

dude u dont hav adhd or autism.. its normal to feel that way after a break up. It's hard at first but u will get over it. I think u suffer from social anxiety. The only way u can deal with the problem is by accepting yourself the way u r. Millions of people in this world suffer from same issues like you do, everybody has their own problems, but life goes on! I bet you, not even one person in this world is 100% satisfied with their look or with their life, but u jus gotta keep living. Loving yourself unconditionally is the only thing that will make life easier to some degree. good luck man..